Saturday, 18 April 2015

Today I grew up a little

It's 1.43am on a Friday now. I just finished sending out an email.

This week has been hellish. One of the contributing factors was triggered by an email from another head. Indirectly I learnt that she sent an email to all other heads except me to ask for opinion on standardizing a document which needed majority of the input from me, but which I have been delaying providing due to lack of resources.
So I replied by asking her to share the document so I can add my input and to include me in this communication which she has left me out. I was of course not happy with it.
In response she replied with a sub-par standardized document without my input. And mention in the email to everyone that she has asked me for input before but I unfortunately did not provide.

I wanted to be mature and I called her after the email. I wanted to clarify how it ended this way. Without going into details, she was a bitch. Then I wanted to reply the email to everyone such that I can put her down. But I told myself to wait and not do something I will regret.

Finally I replied her email tonight. What did I learn and what did I do?

After a day, the anger died down significantly. I was able to think clearly. When I just wrote the reply, there was still a little bit of me that wanted to bite back. I didn't want to lose face in front of the other heads. I didn't want others to think I am a coward. I didn't want to let this head off so easily.

But in the end I didn't bite. I was cordial and provided my input that I stayed up tonight to work on instead of spending time with Lucas and instead of sleeping. I did not harp on the sacrifice that I made. I thought I will feel like a loser when I sent the email in a cordial way. But I didn't. In truth I didn't expect not to feel lousy. I learnt a lesson. I grew up. Today I lived the wisdom of Buddha - let things go and you will find inner peace. Sounds clichéd huh... I didn't know, but it really works. Today I grew up a little, and this is the proudest thing that I did all week.

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