Friday, 9 September 2016

It comes in waves

Mother has since passed away for 1 year 3 months. It has been less painful and I don't think of her everyday. But once in a while a memory will flash by. 

The other day I was driving my in laws to Teban Gardens to attend a wake. Suddenly on the Jurong Town Hall road I thought of mother. This is the route I often take when sending mother to the hospital for her checkup. She would sit quietly beside me because I would be in a grumpy mood. 

Yesterday I brought the boys to my brother's house. Each time I go there I am drawn to the room that was meant for my mother. Even though she has not stayed there before. I still found myself opening the door and felt closer to her.

Today I was eating a croissant at Delifrance for dinner. And I thought of a time during secondary school when I bought a croissant home and went to my room to eat. When I emerged from the room mother asked why didn't I show it to her. Delifrance was a very different thing during those times. We were a traditional family and so mother was curious. 

Everyone knows that someday their parents wil be gone. For me this fact never truly sinked in until my mother passed away. Tonight I really wanted to talk to her. 

Don't have regrets. Sometimes just let things go and be happy. I miss you, Ma. 

Thursday, 1 September 2016

My birthday

Is today. 

As I get older birthdays become less elaborate. Presents become a thing of the past. Expectations should therefore moderate downwards. Otherwise the higher the expectations the higher the disappointment. 

So birthdays should be a time to be grateful. 

I am grateful for two wonderful children. When I came home this evening both boys were so excited to see me and shouted 'happy birthday mummy!' That really brightened up my day. 

I am grateful for my health. This year I had a scare with the hard lump in my breast. So I am grateful that it was nothin more than a scare. I turn 37 today and I shall make a resolution to take good care of my health consciously. My children need me. 

I am grateful for my job. I have a good manager who trusts me, a good environment that's not political and it has wonderful work life balance! It pays well too so on my birthday I can buy myself a present to make myself happy. 

I am grateful for my support system. I have wonderful in laws who help me everyday selflessly. And I have a wonderful helper whom I count myself extremely lucky to find. 

Everything is peaceful. So I am grateful. Happy birthday to me.