I woke up in the morning, as usual thinking about mother. I thought about once when it was almost time for school and mother had not cooked lunch yet. So she asked me to go to the hawker centre to eat chicken rice. I was in primary school, and I was afraid to eat alone. So I asked my mother to go with me and eat together and she was so happy.
Anyway when I thought of this then I realise that hey... I seem to have a recent memory of mother in my mind that's not from the past. Then it came to me that I dreamt of her during the night.
It's funny... While I was dreaming about her everything was clear and vivid. When I woke up it was not so clear anymore. What I remembered was that I was able to touch her, her hands were not the same dried up and cold hands that I last felt when she was in the coffin. And I was aware of that in the dream. She seemed aware that she already passed away too. At some point in the dream she smiled and she was happy. I did not recall having any conversation with her.
But I was happy. For some reason while I was driving to work and thinking of the dream, I broke down at the steering wheel. Maybe it's a form of relief? Or of something closing the loop? Because I never saw my mother on the day she died and I have always been asking mother to appear in my dreams.
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